Listen To Your Tranpa!
Hey Kiddos,
Gather 'round and listen to Tranpa Julius for a moment. I've been seeing a lot of stuff that isn't making me happy and it really hurts my heart. So give this old guy a moment to lay some wisdom out for you.
First, I know you have probably heard the word Tranpa used in a derogatory fashion directed at Caitlyn Jenner. The people doing that though are ignorant of the real meaning of what a Tranpa is. A Tranpa or a Tranma is someone who has been in transition for at least 12 years. At least that's my definition. Basically, looking around at all you young whipper snappers, I'm inclined to yell at you to "Get off my lawn!", but that's not the legacy I want to leave behind. Anger gets you nowhere but burned. Just so you know, you can be fifty and if you're just starting transition, you fall into that young whipper snapper category. The genders are treated differently in our society as we all know, and until you've been living most of your life as the gender you actually are, I honestly don't think you can speak on what the expectations are. Admittedly, I'm talking to the young guys out there. Primarily of the tumblr teen persuasion. I mean no disrespect to the ladies, but I've not had your experience, nor have I had many Tranma's in my life, though I'd love to meet some and hear their stories.
So boys, girls, and neithers, gather 'round here, sit and listen to me for a moment, then you can go back to what you were doing. Just a moment of time for this thirty-something who started living his real life at eighteen.
If you are questioning who you are, that is okay. Please stop and really think about what path you want in life. I knew this was the path for me because living life being seen as a female, was literally killing me. My depression surrounding being seen as a woman caused me to attempt suicide a total of four times. If you are a young child, I'm talking ten years and you've found your way to this blog, and the people around you aren't accepting. Don't stuff your feelings down! Don't lose touch with who you are! Not everyone needs to know if you feel unsafe, just always know that you are a boy and they can sod off. Someday, you'll be eighteen and then you can make them see because you'll be able to do everything you need to change your body to match your mind. If though you are a teen and you've never had feelings like this before, still explore them, go to a therapist, figure yourself out. Other people don't matter as much as you do. Learn to be wisely selfish. Treat yourself with compassion or else you won't be able to fully extend that compassion to others. If you don't want hormones, you don't want surgery, you don't want alignment with who you are on the inside, please consider that you aren't a man. Please consider that you may be non-binary or Agender. Do not call yourself transgender unless you cannot see yourself living life being seen as a woman, or vice versa if you're a transwoman. Matter of fact, don't call yourself that until you've sorted out everything with a therapist, if there's anything to sort out. For me, there wasn't I was absolutely sure of who I was since I was able to talk.
I guess, my advice could be used by either side of the aisle because as I think about it, it's pretty much general advice. I really feel for those of you who are confused, and you shouldn't keep that confusion to yourself. Isolation, will lead to depression, but please, if confusion is your state be open about it, and don't call yourself trans just yet.
Hormones are going to change how you think and feel about things. Until you've gone through hormone treatment you can't fully understand, and they may affect you differently. What I've noticed though is that some of the "stereotypical" behaviors of men that I didn't fully have before have really came out. I mean, I always knew what the social expectations of men were but I had no idea how hard it can be to be expected to live up to those expectations. I never thought of myself as a woman, so I won't say I was socialized as one, but it's one thing to be seen as an outsider to your gender, and to know what's expected. It's quite another to be expected to live up to those expectations. Now, I don't give a darn what others see as masculine or feminine, I'm going to be who I am. But those expectations are there, and toxic masculinity is a thing. Don't hold yourself to those standards. Be true to yourself, don't be afraid of that. Still it's hard at times, and to make things worse, hormones, make your emotions more intense and you're expected to control them better. The only one your socially allowed to show it seems is anger and aggression. Honestly it's men who never learn to control their anger who give the gender a bad name.
There will come times that you'll want to cry. You'll get angry because you can't. That "boys don't cry" line, really doesn't need to be socially enforced because you're pretty much not physically able to without a lot of effort. Men who will be seen crying in public, that's a strong man. Not only is he fighting the social stigma, but also he fights the internal inability. This might not be the case for you, some men can cry easier than others. Just remember control, you're expected to have it.
No matter how many years you've been in transition, some family and friends will never come around. They'll never try to understand, they will leave. Let them make their choice; if they don't want to be around you anymore. It's not your fault, you can't control them. Find those who will love you for you and form your own family. After all, that's how all families are formed. Two people find each other and they will make their own family. Family isn't blood, family is those we can't live without because we love them so darn much.
I know you may want to fight them. The internal struggle rears its ugly head and we externalize it sometimes. I've done it, I'm still working with this. I'm learning my life's lessons, learn your life lessons. Don't fight them, your internal struggle is enough to make even the strongest man fold like a bitty baby. Add to that fight the fight against the urge to put their negativity back at them.
Most people don't want to look at themselves honestly, they're afraid to. This society breeds that fear. It's easy to have compassion for those we agree with. Work on having compassion for those who hate you, there is a real challenge. I find it's easier if you humanize them and don't lump them into a group of people you despise. Having compassion for yourself means not keeping your abusers around, people who won't accept you for you. You don't have to engage them, and if you do, make sure it's a fight you actually want to pick. Some people you may love enough to fight for, but know there are others out there if you need to walk away. You cannot force someone to love you.
Above all else, educate yourself on what abusive behaviors actually are. A difference of opinion is just a difference of opinion and we can still love people we disagree with. My mother still doesn't fully understand me, I've confused that poor woman and turned her world upside down, but she still loves me and she's doing her best to understand me. That effort is enough for me, she gave me life, and I intend to honor her by living that life to the best and fullest of my ability.
I have a lot more to say, but I'm sure you're ready to run off to your social media. I'll save the rest for another post. Thanks for reading, and I wish nothing but peace for you, have patience young ones. The misgendering will stop or you'll be in a position to minimize it, and please be compassionate to old curmudgeons like myself, I occasionally slip up and misgender people who are cisgender, and if you're truly androgynous you won't care if you get sir'd or ma'amed, or at least you shouldn't because most of the population does fit the binary. Understand that they too are a part of what makes this rock diverse and ever changing.
Much love from this old man.. Now, go have fun! Get off my lawn!! :)
Gather 'round and listen to Tranpa Julius for a moment. I've been seeing a lot of stuff that isn't making me happy and it really hurts my heart. So give this old guy a moment to lay some wisdom out for you.
First, I know you have probably heard the word Tranpa used in a derogatory fashion directed at Caitlyn Jenner. The people doing that though are ignorant of the real meaning of what a Tranpa is. A Tranpa or a Tranma is someone who has been in transition for at least 12 years. At least that's my definition. Basically, looking around at all you young whipper snappers, I'm inclined to yell at you to "Get off my lawn!", but that's not the legacy I want to leave behind. Anger gets you nowhere but burned. Just so you know, you can be fifty and if you're just starting transition, you fall into that young whipper snapper category. The genders are treated differently in our society as we all know, and until you've been living most of your life as the gender you actually are, I honestly don't think you can speak on what the expectations are. Admittedly, I'm talking to the young guys out there. Primarily of the tumblr teen persuasion. I mean no disrespect to the ladies, but I've not had your experience, nor have I had many Tranma's in my life, though I'd love to meet some and hear their stories.
So boys, girls, and neithers, gather 'round here, sit and listen to me for a moment, then you can go back to what you were doing. Just a moment of time for this thirty-something who started living his real life at eighteen.
If you are questioning who you are, that is okay. Please stop and really think about what path you want in life. I knew this was the path for me because living life being seen as a female, was literally killing me. My depression surrounding being seen as a woman caused me to attempt suicide a total of four times. If you are a young child, I'm talking ten years and you've found your way to this blog, and the people around you aren't accepting. Don't stuff your feelings down! Don't lose touch with who you are! Not everyone needs to know if you feel unsafe, just always know that you are a boy and they can sod off. Someday, you'll be eighteen and then you can make them see because you'll be able to do everything you need to change your body to match your mind. If though you are a teen and you've never had feelings like this before, still explore them, go to a therapist, figure yourself out. Other people don't matter as much as you do. Learn to be wisely selfish. Treat yourself with compassion or else you won't be able to fully extend that compassion to others. If you don't want hormones, you don't want surgery, you don't want alignment with who you are on the inside, please consider that you aren't a man. Please consider that you may be non-binary or Agender. Do not call yourself transgender unless you cannot see yourself living life being seen as a woman, or vice versa if you're a transwoman. Matter of fact, don't call yourself that until you've sorted out everything with a therapist, if there's anything to sort out. For me, there wasn't I was absolutely sure of who I was since I was able to talk.
I guess, my advice could be used by either side of the aisle because as I think about it, it's pretty much general advice. I really feel for those of you who are confused, and you shouldn't keep that confusion to yourself. Isolation, will lead to depression, but please, if confusion is your state be open about it, and don't call yourself trans just yet.
Hormones are going to change how you think and feel about things. Until you've gone through hormone treatment you can't fully understand, and they may affect you differently. What I've noticed though is that some of the "stereotypical" behaviors of men that I didn't fully have before have really came out. I mean, I always knew what the social expectations of men were but I had no idea how hard it can be to be expected to live up to those expectations. I never thought of myself as a woman, so I won't say I was socialized as one, but it's one thing to be seen as an outsider to your gender, and to know what's expected. It's quite another to be expected to live up to those expectations. Now, I don't give a darn what others see as masculine or feminine, I'm going to be who I am. But those expectations are there, and toxic masculinity is a thing. Don't hold yourself to those standards. Be true to yourself, don't be afraid of that. Still it's hard at times, and to make things worse, hormones, make your emotions more intense and you're expected to control them better. The only one your socially allowed to show it seems is anger and aggression. Honestly it's men who never learn to control their anger who give the gender a bad name.
There will come times that you'll want to cry. You'll get angry because you can't. That "boys don't cry" line, really doesn't need to be socially enforced because you're pretty much not physically able to without a lot of effort. Men who will be seen crying in public, that's a strong man. Not only is he fighting the social stigma, but also he fights the internal inability. This might not be the case for you, some men can cry easier than others. Just remember control, you're expected to have it.
No matter how many years you've been in transition, some family and friends will never come around. They'll never try to understand, they will leave. Let them make their choice; if they don't want to be around you anymore. It's not your fault, you can't control them. Find those who will love you for you and form your own family. After all, that's how all families are formed. Two people find each other and they will make their own family. Family isn't blood, family is those we can't live without because we love them so darn much.
I know you may want to fight them. The internal struggle rears its ugly head and we externalize it sometimes. I've done it, I'm still working with this. I'm learning my life's lessons, learn your life lessons. Don't fight them, your internal struggle is enough to make even the strongest man fold like a bitty baby. Add to that fight the fight against the urge to put their negativity back at them.
Most people don't want to look at themselves honestly, they're afraid to. This society breeds that fear. It's easy to have compassion for those we agree with. Work on having compassion for those who hate you, there is a real challenge. I find it's easier if you humanize them and don't lump them into a group of people you despise. Having compassion for yourself means not keeping your abusers around, people who won't accept you for you. You don't have to engage them, and if you do, make sure it's a fight you actually want to pick. Some people you may love enough to fight for, but know there are others out there if you need to walk away. You cannot force someone to love you.
Above all else, educate yourself on what abusive behaviors actually are. A difference of opinion is just a difference of opinion and we can still love people we disagree with. My mother still doesn't fully understand me, I've confused that poor woman and turned her world upside down, but she still loves me and she's doing her best to understand me. That effort is enough for me, she gave me life, and I intend to honor her by living that life to the best and fullest of my ability.
I have a lot more to say, but I'm sure you're ready to run off to your social media. I'll save the rest for another post. Thanks for reading, and I wish nothing but peace for you, have patience young ones. The misgendering will stop or you'll be in a position to minimize it, and please be compassionate to old curmudgeons like myself, I occasionally slip up and misgender people who are cisgender, and if you're truly androgynous you won't care if you get sir'd or ma'amed, or at least you shouldn't because most of the population does fit the binary. Understand that they too are a part of what makes this rock diverse and ever changing.
Much love from this old man.. Now, go have fun! Get off my lawn!! :)
Great blog Tranpa!! I really appreciate your perspective because you have had so much experience living life on your terms in our culture which can seek to destroy anyone who gets out of their box.
ReplyDeleteThanks Sarah for the kind words and for listening to a Young, old transguy lol.
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