Ramblings of an Appalachian Transman

Today is Transgender Day of Visibility in honor of that I'd like to share my story. So go grab a cup of tea and settle into your bus seat, or your comfy chair at home. This is a synopsis of what I've seen as a transgender person who grew up in small town KY, at the foot of the Appalachian mountains.  I was born in Jellico, TN in February of nineteen eighty-four. The doctor slapped me on the ass and declared me a bouncing baby girl. I promptly let him know what I thought of that, and peed on him. I've kept this attitude about me every since, you're entitled to your opinion and I to mine, we don't have to agree, and you're not entitled to my respect either. Respect is something that must be earned, as is trust.  I've always done my best to present as male, even while everyone around me insisted that I was female. Even before I had a word for it, I knew I had something different about me. When I found out about the physical differences between boys and ...

When I was a little boy, my kindergarten teacher wrote on one of my report cards, "Unusually Compassionate". She probably doesn't realize just how much those two words have changed my life. My teacher got this idea because when any of the kids hurt themselves on the playground, I was the kid who ran to the teachers and asked for the first aid kit. I bandaged other people's wounds.  In recent years, I've noticed an uptick in how much I hear the word compassion being used. This brings me joy, but it is also troubling because I think people are forgetting to also have balance. I've thought a lot about what it means to be compassionate, and I'll continue to do so because in doing so I know that I'm growing in the right direction.  The conclusions I've come to about compassion are these: Our compassion is incomplete if it does not extend to ourselves.  By that I mean we need to learn to be wisely selfish. If we aren't taking care of oursel...

For the first ten years of my transition, I didn't seek out other trans people. I didn't seek out any type of support. I just talked with my therapist and worked on becoming more comfortable with myself and the welcome, but awkward changes I was going through. I was afraid that by reaching out, I would just find another group of people that wouldn't be able to love me for me, and I didn't care to go there.  I regret to inform you that I was absolutely right in being afraid of just that. About five years ago, I started trying to engage other transpeople. I have made a few friends with other guys like me, but just like when I was interacting with only the cis community, I have found that I generally don't fit in. I am thankful for the few friends I've made who are like me. I would like to find more, but I have realized that I'm not alone so I don't need to seek out like minds anymore. In fact, I don't want to.  I can see the harm this compartmentaliz...

So I'm going to start doing this thing. Every now and again, I'm going to put the spotlight on people around me. If they're okay with that. And if they're not okay with it, I'll just give them a fake name because I feel like everyone who is doing good needs to have the spotlight put on them every now and again.  I want to start off doing what I feel is right. At the core of my being, I feel like if we're asking for others to bring awareness to what we're doing, then we need to be willing to do the same for them.  My friend Randy is a great guy. I met Randy through a Facebook group for transgender individuals. We added each other to our friend's list and the rest is history so to speak. Randy is one of the major reasons why I stay on Facebook, and why I can't completely dismiss it as a viable means of communication. I've never met him face to face, we've only ever spoken online. It's not going to stay that way forever, we'll ev...

Hey Kiddos, Gather 'round and listen to Tranpa Julius for a moment. I've been seeing a lot of stuff that isn't making me happy and it really hurts my heart. So give this old guy a moment to lay some wisdom out for you. First, I know you have probably heard the word Tranpa used in a derogatory fashion directed at Caitlyn Jenner. The people doing that though are ignorant of the real meaning of what a Tranpa is. A Tranpa or a Tranma is someone who has been in transition for at least 12 years. At least that's my definition. Basically, looking around at all you young whipper snappers, I'm inclined to yell at you to "Get off my lawn!", but that's not the legacy I want to leave behind. Anger gets you nowhere but burned. Just so you know, you can be fifty and if you're just starting transition, you fall into that young whipper snapper category. The genders are treated differently in our society as we all know, and until you've been living most of y...

I've noticed something that makes me different from others; and causes me a great deal of suffering. I hang onto things people say they'll do. If someone tells me they're going to do something. I expect them to follow through. I get really hurt when they don't. I know I've let other people down, so it's hard to get mad at them, but it still hurts.  When someone says they'll do something for me, and then it slips their mind. It sends the message to me that I'm not important to them . I think I'm a pretty good person, it's finally starting to sink in, I've had a couple people beating this into my skull for a bit now. It has been greatly needed, it's only just starting to sink in. Good people, in my mind, are the ones we shouldn't forget.  I don't understand, why people just forget to do things they tell me they'll do. Not just friends but people I've worked with, etc. I don't know how to confront people with it. I don...

For what feels like my entire life I had this problem. You see, I've watched other people a lot. I've noticed for the most part if an argument breaks out people will pretty much equally divide themselves amongst friends until they get it sorted out. When I get into arguments with people though I'm the one who gets ganged up on. My "friends" have never been the type to stand up and say something to help me out. No, my friends get silent and they tend to stay out of it while the other person's friends gang up on me.  I don't know why this occurs. Do I come off as, not needing their help? Or not wanting their help? I know that I can't have been on the wrong side of arguments my entire life. But then maybe I have been because, I grew up in Appalachia where if you're not a straight, white, Christian conservative you don't get much respect. So maybe, I've just never had real friends. Or maybe my friends were more afraid to speak out than I was....