R.I.P Chris Cornell, You Will Be Sorely Missed

I awoke this morning to the devastating news that Chris Cornell, lead singer of Soundgarden committed suicide. Chris has played a role in my life since the early nineties. There are no words to describe really what I'm feeling at the moment. It's all too surreal. 

Depression doesn't care who you are, how much you have in the bank, how much those around you love you. Depression is the worst thing imaginable. Depression is knowing rationally that others love and care about you, but not being able to feel their love yourself. It is a disconnect between what you know to be true and what you feel to be true. It steals your ability to appreciate things and to feel grateful. It lies to you. 

We can try to explain away depression a thousand ways but all of that would be bullshit. At the end of the day, there are no reasons to be depressed. It's just depression, it is what it is and people who have never dealt with it cannot understand. It's not just feeling sad. In it's deepest form depression makes you just not want to be on this earth anymore. You suffer emotionally to such a degree that nothing can pull you out of it. 

A lot of people can be medicated and that helps, but there are still people who cannot be. There are people like myself who react poorly to the medications that are currently on the market. 

Suicide is not a selfish act, it is a final act to end the suffering they feel. I hate to say that I can sympathize and I understand. I've attempted suicide on several occasions. At least one of which I know cannot be written off as a cry for help. 

There are social causes for depression and that's why personally I don't think it's entirely a brain chemistry thing. When you watch people being so horrible to each other on a daily basis, some of us simply cannot deal with that. I don't know if that's what Chris saw, but I know he suffered greatly. He will be missed, but at least he's not suffering anymore. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Unpacking My Bags A Bit More

I've noticed something that makes me different from others; and causes me a great deal of suffering. I hang onto things people say they'll do. If someone tells me they're going to do something. I expect them to follow through. I get really hurt when they don't. I know I've let other people down, so it's hard to get mad at them, but it still hurts.  When someone says they'll do something for me, and then it slips their mind. It sends the message to me that I'm not important to them . I think I'm a pretty good person, it's finally starting to sink in, I've had a couple people beating this into my skull for a bit now. It has been greatly needed, it's only just starting to sink in. Good people, in my mind, are the ones we shouldn't forget.  I don't understand, why people just forget to do things they tell me they'll do. Not just friends but people I've worked with, etc. I don't know how to confront people with it. I don
Read more

It Hurts.

It hurts, and I'm confused. I scroll through Facebook. I see a lot of posts, and I see other friends with comments on their posts and interaction taking place. Then I look at what I've shared for the day and in my mind, I hear the sound of crickets. In my mind's eye, I see a room full of people, talking and smiling. I see myself attempting to interact, attempting to be seen, and attempting to feel like my friends care. I'm disappointed.  At the same time, I'm very grateful for the few who do interact. I've kept my list small because I'd rather have a few quarters than a million pennies. Maybe I need to sift through some pennies and find my quarters. I would like to have more people in my life. I don't think more people means that others will mean less to me. I think it would help me to not pressure the few that I do have to be more involved in my life.  Everyone chooses their own involvement in my life. I've got one friend in particular, whom I w
Read more

Listen To Your Tranpa!

Hey Kiddos, Gather 'round and listen to Tranpa Julius for a moment. I've been seeing a lot of stuff that isn't making me happy and it really hurts my heart. So give this old guy a moment to lay some wisdom out for you. First, I know you have probably heard the word Tranpa used in a derogatory fashion directed at Caitlyn Jenner. The people doing that though are ignorant of the real meaning of what a Tranpa is. A Tranpa or a Tranma is someone who has been in transition for at least 12 years. At least that's my definition. Basically, looking around at all you young whipper snappers, I'm inclined to yell at you to "Get off my lawn!", but that's not the legacy I want to leave behind. Anger gets you nowhere but burned. Just so you know, you can be fifty and if you're just starting transition, you fall into that young whipper snapper category. The genders are treated differently in our society as we all know, and until you've been living most of y
Read more