Why I Decided to Leave the Fold

In the small town that I've grown up in, Christianity is the default. Mainly Baptist, we have one Catholic church, and maybe a couple other Christian denominations. You can tell just how many theological disagreements there have been by the fact that there are at least twenty-one religious institutions here. 

Growing up, Christianity never felt right for me. I was forced to go to a church where the preacher screamed and yelled until his face turned almost purple. There were times when I was sure he was going to pass out from all the huffing and puffing he was doing. It was scary for a small child. 

I never understood how a loving god could condemn people to hell because they never knew him. It isn't loving for a deity to throw someone into hellfire and brimstone because they never had a chance to "hear the gospel". 

Love, was obedience to your parents, your preacher and to what your preacher said was god. But I knew in my heart that that wasn't true. No, I'm pretty sure that's an alternate fact. Mainly because Christians live in an alternate reality. I never fit in there. 

I tried to drink the kool-aid. I've always wanted to fit in somewhere, but I've never been able to live inauthentically. I've always fought to be myself. I recognized early on that god seemed to hate the same things that the small minded around me hated. It seemed everyone else's sin was worse than that of whom ever you were talking to. No one wanted to look at themselves. 

There's the concept of original sin, that says we're all bad and in need of fixing. That never sat well, but hearing it over and over again, has done its damage. I think that the original sin doctrine is the reason why Christians seem to find it hard to look at themselves. I mean, why try to honestly look at yourself and make positive changes if you're just going to see badness, and know you'll never be good enough. 

I've simply found Christianity to be incompatible with me. Religion isn't entirely benign and people need to wake up to this fact. Sometimes its teachings can be harmful, and not just Christianity but all of them. Any religion taken to extremes is a bad thing. 

In my mind, religious fundamentalism is a cancer in this world. It destroys people's ability to reason and makes things like alternative facts seem like a reasonable thing. It literally puts people in another world with catch phrases like "Be in the world, but be not of it.". What the hell does that even mean? Well, I've thought about it for a long time and the only thing I can tell you is that it means. Don't go outside of your church, remain ignorant of the truth of what goes on in this world. Phrases like that make it easy for people to have their sense of self hijacked. 

There is so much brainwashing that goes on by religious institutions that people end up taking the side of people who abuse children. I've seen it first hand. There was a deacon at my church who was offering little kids, boys and girls both, pieces of candy to sit on his lap. While they were on his lap he'd touch them in inappropriate ways, discretely, right in the front pew of the church. When kids would protest, parents would say things like "Oh, he just wants to be your friend.", "Go on, he's not going to hurt you.", "Quit being mean, he's just being nice.". These parents didn't take the word of their child because they thought the church was a safe space. 

Something I've learned in life is that sociopaths have a tendency to hang out where compassionate people congregate. Compassionate people are magnets for sociopaths. And the people here obviously cannot tell a sociopath from any other human being because their brains have been hijacked by religion. Note, that I say compassionate people, these are good people, they are just victims of their religion. Victims of a culture that denies the truth of a situation and substitutes their own version of what is going on. Indeed, this recent term we've been hearing, alternate facts, stems from the religious mindset. Our politicians use the same techniques as preachers do to convince people to follow them. It's sad. 

Do not mistake me, these people I've grown up around, I believe them to be good people. I feel for them. I wish they could be freed of the chains that religion puts on their minds. I love these people, a true love too, not an obedience for the sake of obedience. No, I empathize with them because I almost drank the Kool-Aid. Hell, I even tried to drink it, I wanted so bad to fit in that I denied my true feelings in an attempt to be able to fit in. But I realized that wasn't going to work. I was still too different. 

I had to be a man, I can't deny that I'm bisexual and feel and attraction to anyone with a brain regardless of what's in their pants, and I don't believe that monogamy has to be the default either. I don't think it's my place to put my beliefs on others either. As long as people treat me with respect face to face, I'll do the same. 

I'm just not compatible with the dogma of Christianity. I really wish that kids could refuse to go to church and that forcing a kid into the dogma of belief was seen as child abuse. And maybe someday it'll be so. Maybe someday a kid will be able to go to an adult that isn't their parent and find refuge from a screaming purple faced preacher. 

I highly recommend reading "Leaving the Fold" by Dr. Marlene Winell, if you've ever felt, not quite right about what your church is teaching. It's a good tool for people looking to leave religion. It would also assist those who want to know better ways to communicate with those who've left religion. It has been my experience that most don't care to communicate with you if you don't go to their social club. If you would genuinely like to communicate better with people who have left religion though, it's a good guide for that as well. 

There are a multitude of reasons why I've decided to leave. I've spent years fighting with this decision. Going back and forth, but know that won't be happening anymore. I've finally started to find happiness outside of religion. I'm freer than I've ever felt. So please, don't try to convert Atheists/Agnostics, just be their friend. Saying you'll pray for them can come across as condescending. Inviting them to church is useless. So just put down the Kool-Aid and go grab a cup of coffee with someone outside your faith. Who knows, you might just learn something and grow some spiritually. We don't learn and grow in a vacuum of like minded people.