I Quit For Now

It looks to me as though this blog is dead in the water and I'm considering removing it entirely. No doubt it's in an archive somewhere, everything that goes online ends up archived, and it can be brought up again. I've said these things, and I really don't mind. I've had some less than stellar moments here trying to figure parts of myself out. 

 I really want to do music. I keep trying to put it down because I recognize it is a pipe dream. I just cannot figure out how to make any money with my music. And yes money is important, I would love to just create for fun, but what I want is to make money doing what I love with the skills I've acquired. I really haven't got specialized knowledge in any other area. I have set myself up for either success or an abysmal failure. I think the fear of the latter has been driving me crazy. 

 "Don't fear failure. In great attempts, it is glorious even to fail." - Bruce Lee. 

 I have to force myself through the fear of failure. I've never been well liked, at least, I've never felt so. A lot of musicians were bullied in school though. And honestly, I can thank my bullies because their opinions no longer affect me. I've grown immune for the most part to the opinions of others. I'm slowly realizing the only opinion about me that matters is my own. Compliments are nice but they're meaningless if I don't believe them. Mean comments don't mean anything if I know better. 

 I'm a good person. I don't virtue signal out of a sense of insecurity about myself anymore. I'm socially aware but I also understand the change starts with me and it's not my place to tell anyone how to live whether I agree with them or not. 

 I'm human, we're all human, all flawed. I'm going to embrace my flaws and quit being so hard on myself, start making changes for myself from a place of self-love, not self-criticism. I'm going to start showing myself the same compassion I show others. 

 Thanks everyone for reading... I think it may be time though to disappear long enough to get my shit together and release an album. If I never do anything else, if I die, I don't want to die having never at least tried to accomplish my dreams. In my mind, it's lights out it's lights out. No forever after, no remeeting to say I'm sorry. I have to own my actions and apologize when I feel out of line, and quickly because accidents happen and tomorrow isn't promised. 

 Please if you're a friend, a true friend, ask me how the album is going and be ruthless about not letting me put it on the back burner, it's too important. This blog is just a distraction from that goal. I spend to much time worrying about thinking about something to write for this. I need to be thinking about writing new songs. I am going to speak my current truth, maybe throw in some of my old stuff.. But I'm going to get 15 tracks together that I'm proud of. 

 Don't live your life in apathy doing things you hate, going through the motions. Life is too short. Begin to live while you still can. I hope you'll all listen when I get it finished. 

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