Ramblings of an Appalachian Transman

Life is a funny thing. It's like a puzzle without a box and we've no clue where the pieces go, we just have to figure ways to make them fit. If we're lucky we'll be able to make a beautiful picture.  I use to hold onto my anger. Unable to let go, but slowly I'm finding some semblance of peace. I was raised to believe that everyone around me was bad for one reason or another. I mean, a certain person in my life has hardly a good word about anyone, including me.  I generally don't like this town I live in, but I'm starting to believe that it's because I've been conditioned to hate it. Yeah, a good deal of people here are willfully ignorant, but there are over five thousand people in this little town.  I honestly don't think I've given this place a fair shake. It's not entirely my fault, though; I was bullied. I was bullied hard. That was high school, though. People grow up, I've grown up. I've changed. Quite a bit, and since m...

For the past what feels like forever we've had a political divide in this country of epic proportions. I'm tired of it. Really tired. We've got the left who believes they're fighting for peace. We've all heard the saying though that fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity. It is absolutely that counter-productive. We've got the right thinking they're fighting for their freedoms that the left are trying to take away.  We aren't talking to each other. I feel like a child in a broken home when it comes to this country. I'm not proud of either side. I'm not proud of how we've been behaving, myself included. So I'm going to start doing my best to quit behaving in ways that I've learned are detrimental to a cohesive populace.  "United we stand, divided we fall"  Remember. Together we are strong. Our government officials, along with the talking heads on either side of the aisle, are responsible for creating this di...

I've always loved animals. I've always thought animals were better than people in some ways. Animals will let you know exactly what they think of you. They understand things that people have forgotten. Humans seem to be ashamed that we are animals. Indeed many people seem to think we are better than other animals, they're incapable of admitting to themselves that we are animals too.  So late 2009, I believe it was, I landed a job that for me was a dream job. I'm a KY boy, it's always been horses for me, not the U.K. Wildcats or the Louisville Cardinals. No, I was more interested in becoming a veterinarian when I was younger. So the part I love about being in KY is horses! We're the horse state after all! So I landed a job at Lexington Humane Society.  I loved that job! It was like finding a new family to be a part of. All the employees either got along really well together or at the very least we didn't engage in gossip if someone wasn't well liked, ...

As I near my thirty-third year on this planet I stop to think; What would I truly regret when my time here has ended? Honestly tonight all I can think about is living my life to the fullest. Part of that is living authentically. Life can't be lived to its fullest if it's being lived for the approval of someone else. Life can't be lived to its fullest if we are hung up on social norms or what others may think if we deviate from the crowd.  The narrative to life seems to be, grow up, get married, have 2.5 kids and a house in the burbs. Consume, fall in line with the majority for their comfort. I've noticed in recent years, people are starting to break away from what is expected of them to do with life and it makes me very happy.  I love seeing women say they don't want kids. It's always been okay for men to not want kids but women have traditionally been expected to want kids. I think it's perfectly okay to not want kids and to go for what you  really want...

Have you ever spent any time thinking about how we culturally handle death here in America? Have you noticed that when someone dies it's suddenly taboo to speak the truth about their character? Suddenly even the worst tempered person becomes a saint.  Sometimes I wonder if the way we handle death in our society causes suicidal ideation in some members of our population. I mean, I've noticed that it's perfectly okay to reem someone about all the faults you may think they have, but the moment they're gone,.. oh they were such a great person.  No one wants to be constantly told all about their faults, but it seems that fault finding comes very easy to us as a culture. After all, even when it comes to our consumerism, people will more readily complain about a product than they will praise it.  My great grandmother, I am told, use to say "Bring me my flowers while I'm still here, they're of no use to me when I'm gone." and I fully agree with this ...

In the small town that I've grown up in, Christianity is the default. Mainly Baptist, we have one Catholic church, and maybe a couple other Christian denominations. You can tell just how many theological disagreements there have been by the fact that there are at least twenty-one religious institutions here.  Growing up, Christianity never felt right for me. I was forced to go to a church where the preacher screamed and yelled until his face turned almost purple. There were times when I was sure he was going to pass out from all the huffing and puffing he was doing. It was scary for a small child.  I never understood how a loving god could condemn people to hell because they never knew him. It isn't loving for a deity to throw someone into hellfire and brimstone because they never had a chance to "hear the gospel".  Love, was obedience to your parents, your preacher and to what your preacher said was god. But I knew in my heart that that wasn't true. N...

Throughout my life I've had people around me who've been my friend in private, but they didn't care to be publically associated with me. I understand, I'm not the demographic of the area, I'm exactly the opposite of it. I'm transgender, I'm Atheist/Agnostic, and I am vocal about who I am and what I stand for. I simply cannot live life hiding who I really am. I'm authentic, I'm real. So I fully understand why someone wouldn't want to associate with me publicly. I can't blame someone for not wanting to have anything to do with me publicly. That doesn't change the fact that it hurts. To me, it says, I know I'll be ostracized too, and I can't risk that. Which I understand because in a little town like this our reputation can be everything. So if you love the area, then I can understand not wanting to be forced up uproot and go somewhere else. Please understand though, I'm stuck here, I'm pretty much destitute unless I find s...